السالام عليكم

The sun has just barely come up and I sitting here in bed wide awake. I usually have no problem sleeping and if it were always up to me I would sleep in until 9 or 10 every day. But last night was an exception. Despite how exhausted I was, I lied in bed, my mind racing one hundred miles per hour and unable to sleep. When I finally got to sleep, I woke up about two hours later; exhausted yet unable to sleep. Then again and again and now that there's some light coming through my curtain-less window I just gave up trying. **By the way... by the time I finish writing this blog it will be a day or two later... i will not longer be in bed... it's because each one takes anywhere between 3-5 hours of writing and I can't sit here that long to pump one out. So sorry if I talk about this morning in bed... and then tonight and then today and go back and forth... I'm just writing as I go so I hope you can follow along) As my time here in Morocco is quickly coming to an end, I am flooded with emotions, thoughts, feelings of excitement and sadness, questions and uncertainties. In two days I will be leaving a life behind that has--for lack of better words--become part of me. Though I have traveled extensively in the past 10 years, I have never stayed in one country for longer than 2 months. In the ways that I look back to see how my experiences in South Africa, Kenya, Tanzania and South America have shaped my life, I can only imagine how these last 6 months in Morocco will continue to shape and affect my life. Just as the other countries were influential in determining my path in college as well as my passion to see change in the world and work in solidarity with the poor and oppressed, Morocco will (and has already begun to) deeply affect my vocation, my interests, my decisions for the future and the particular way I will live in the future. On this last point, I would like to take many of the aspects of Moroccan culture and apply them to my personal life, whether I live in Los Angeles or London. I have found Moroccans to be some of the warmest and welcoming people and when it comes to caring for the poor and the marginalized, it something natural for them, nothing out of the norm. There are parts of their everyday life that show their love and concern for the poor; Families using the extra bedroom in the house to provide a bed and a room for a homeless man, giving away part of every meal to feed those who cannot afford to cook, preparing meals and drinks for construction workers who work in miserable conditions, and inviting the stranger/foreigner into their home for a meal or for the night are all practical examples that I've seen first-hand since I've been here. When I read Jesus' words, "what you did to the least of these [the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the naked, the sick and the imprisoned], you did unto me" I cannot help but be challenged by the fact that my Muslim brothers and sisters are doing a better job than I am. It's time that I step up to the plate, not so that I can be better than them by any means, but as a follower of Christ this is what my life should already look like.

The Moroccan life is something that I've fallen in love over the past 6 months, though not everything. I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly here in Morocco, just as every country and culture has its good, its bad and its ugly. Although I think these are relative terms ("good" "bad" & "ugly"), I think it is necessary to identify them and to justify why they are put in those categories. For the sake of those who have not been to Morocco, I will not mention the "bad" or "ugly" aspects of culture so that it does not taint your view of this beautiful country and complex culture. I'm a firm believer of getting out and experiencing life and I think that a full survey on Moroccan culture may, in some ways, hinder one's experience here if they ever have the opportunity. I understand that not everyone has the opportunity to go to Morocco, but even if you do have the opportunity and still want to know the more than just the "good", I'd be happy to share (so, you know how to contact me).

I have been saying goodbyes for the last week and its a bit hard. I'm usually OK with goodbyes but under certain circumstances. For example, leaving home is much easier than leaving anywhere else. It's not that I like everywhere else better than I do home, but it's the fact that with few exceptions, everyone I say goodbye to at home will still be there when I finally decide to come back. These goodbyes are more like temporary goodbyes, "Goodbye, I'll see you in a few months" or something like that. But the goodbyes I'm doing now are not so temporary. They are goodbyes to the people I met and would see on my everyday walk around the city, the store clerk, the people behind the counter at the bakery I went to every day for bread, the children at Darna Association, other interns, volunteers and students that came to Morocco from Belgium, France, Spain or the US, and of course my friends here in Tangier (and all over Morocco) that welcomed me despite differences in language, culture, nationality, faith and interests. These are difficult goodbyes because I don't know when I will see them again. I don't have a return ticket to Morocco at this moment. Everyone asks, "Are you going to come back to Morocco?" and I answer that it's not a matter of wanting to come back, but the time and the money and the opportunity. So until I have the time (not until I'm finished with college) and the money (not until I get a job) and opportunity (probably when I get a job and money and have time off), I will be anxiously awaiting another trip back to Morocco. These goodbyes are indefinite goodbyes. I am saying goodbye to kids at Darna who I will probably never see again as they might return to living on the streets (as some kids already have) or simply because they don't have the money or resources to keep in contact over internet. My friends who volunteer at Darna are heading back to their home countries and in order to see them would mean to go to several different countries in Europe and maybe a trip to the East Coast of the US (two friends from the East Coast). Over the weekend, I went to Al Akhawayn University to say goodbye to a few good friends there who have really been an integral part of my life in and outside of Morocco. Taha and Youssef are two guys that I studied on The Scholar Ship with 2 years ago and although we've said goodbyes before, we said goodbyes knowing that we would see each other shortly. But now that there are no plans in the works of coming to California in the near future, this is a goodbye for a few months, a year, 5 years, 20 years, forever, who knows? The rest of my goodbyes are like this, uncertain of the future.

Despite these last few days of difficult goodbyes, I've felt a bit more relaxed and trying my best to take advantage of every last minute here in Tangier. On Thursday, for example, I had planned to run around town all day doing last minute shopping for people and buying Christmas presents, saying goodbye to people, stopping by Darna and going crazy. Just as I was walking out the door, my friend Absalom called me to go out on the boat with him and a few friends. It's been something I wanted to do the past few months and of course, my last week in Tangier, my day to cross more things off my "to-do list", Absalom calls and says, "I'm coming to pick you up in 10 minutes, were're going out in the boat." I went with him and a few friends out to the Straight of Gibraltar/Meditterranean in the 15 foot zodiac. About 5 miles off shore, Absalom and I stayed on the boat while his two friends went spear fishing. A few hour spear fishing trip turned into an all day event. His friends caught some fish and we headed back to the marina, cleaned the boat and dropped off the fish at a favorite seafood restaurant. Within minutes, we were feasting on the fresh catch. So maybe I didn't cross anything off my to-do list, but I spent the day out on the ocean on a boat (my element) and eating a huge feast of fresh seafood with good friends, good conversations and good laughs. I can't think of a better way to conclude my time here in Tangier than being spontaneous and enjoying the last-minute things like this. It keeps me sane and in the moment whereas my own planning and to-do lists just distract me from being with the people taking advantage of such amazing opportunities as these.

Well I must be going now as my train is leaving in an hour. My bags are packed, I've said my goodbyes, and every second becomes more of a reality... a reality that tomorrow I will not be here. I cannot yet fathom this, but life moves on whether we go with it or not.

In parting, I leave with the words of Henri Nouwen, as they have spoken to me throughout my time here. After his six month experience in South America, similar to my six months here, he writes, "I wonder if going north still means going home." In my own version, I say, "I wonder if going west really means going home."

Please stay tuned for other blogs in the next few weeks..... السالام عليكم